I’m so blessed I have this..

me the other day. just keep pushing through.
This post is a jumbled mess and you don’t have to read it just scroll on past.

my whole family is a fucked up mess first there’s the whole dad situation (posted about that already) but my sister. First off her boyfriend is really controlling. She goes to college at West Virginia and we live in Maryland and he tells her not to go party and she listens and sits in her room and they fight ALL the time. Then my mom has a new boyfriend which my sister hates there have been three instances when she has left, I don’t mean thinking it out somewhere else but actually packed what clothes she wanted and went to her boyfriends house to stay for the remainder of her visit from college. My mom told her she wasn’t allowed back and my sister told me to take what I wanted from her room she doesn’t need it. There is a fight almost every week about my moms boyfriend and us moving. Hate isn’t a strong enough word to define how my sister feels about him. I have no idea why though. She also has a legitimate anger issue where she can’t express herself normally she turns to hitting and name calling which I am always on the other end of. No matter what I do my sister will always hate me for whatever reason. But secretly I think I know why, she’s ashamed of me. Whether it be my looks or how I act I don’t know. I try to be nice to her and have her like me but no matter what it just doesn’t work. She always calls me names and tells me I’m worthless and nobody would care if I died she would just dance on my grave. I took that to heart. I have planned my suicide before, wrote out my note, had the pills but luckily my mom was walking through the door at that point and for whatever reason I didn’t go through with it. Anyway We move at the end of this month and that’s once again an issue. She has a break for a month from college and I don’t even know if she’s going to stay at the house for all I know she could be planning on staying with her boyfriend. Yeah sorry if you actually read this it was a waste of like 2 minutes of your life. I normally post this on my other blog but I don’t feel like keeping two separate blogs anymore.